In this week’s episode the perfect example of this was when best friends Josh and Jack – both 21 – turned up at the restaurant. Promoters for the “most exclusive night clubs in Croydon” Josh and Jack were referred to as the Kray twins. Other less complimentary social media users went for the Jedward of Croydon.
Maître d’Fred Sirieix left Josh and Jack to try to work out which girl they would be dating that evening. Who would be dating shopaholic Jasmine, 23, from London and who would be dating Morgan, 21, from Essex who was looking for her prince charming? As it so happened the two had got it completely wrong, which led to two awkward dates after they realised their ideal partners were not the ones they would be dining with.
Morgan found herself with Jack, but spent most of the evening referring to his friend Josh as “her man” and flirting over the table. It didn’t help that Morgan’s dad had told her not to date a goalkeeper, and that was exactly the position Jack took when playing football. On the whole though they seemed worthy of a second date but by the end of the show it seemed Morgan had agreed to give it “another go” purely because Jack had said he would “get the hump and cry” if they hadn’t met again.
Jasmine and Josh seemed closer, but only once the initial awkwardness had passed. Originally Jasmine seemed to be confused by the concept of Charlotte potatoes (“did Charlotte make them?”), and Josh seemed more interested in Jasmine’s boobs. But half way through the date, a meaningful and deep conversation about how Josh lost his mum in a house fire brought the two closer together. Jasmine however had accepted that Josh was better suited for Morgan, and so to help them along, didn’t arrange to see him again.
Also in the restaurant tonight was Sandy, 46, a fitness fanatic and personal trainer who had climbed Everest. So presumably meeting a man for the first time on national television was going to be a pinch of salt in comparison. She was dating Steve, an astrology expert, who had turned up rather bravely in red trousers. Astrology paid so much of an impact in his life that he even had a phone app to work out the compatibility between him and Sandy. Would she tick the boxes and be a Libra, or would she be a Scorpio?
Unluckily for him, she was a Virgo, a star sign which made them only 30% compatible. Or so the app suggested. Fortunately after a heart to heart, the two decided they were both “alright”, and Steve’s whole raison d’etre had been proven wrong. They had performed better than astrology suggested, and far better than the phone app led them to believe. I can’t imagine business is now booming for him, but on the plus side he had a new love interest. You win some, you lose some.
Imagine having to go on #firstdates to find a date and then worrying more about their star sign to work out if they’re compatible!
— Jono Read (@jonoread) August 16, 2016
Another couple that surprised me tonight was Faye and Benny. Faye’s claime to fame was bumping into Prince William while out one night in Berkshire, but was fobbed off by him. She claims she could have been a Princess had the night gone better, but instead ended up single for three years. She is a fan of Australian men because her special talent is being able to “talk Australian” after a few drinks (it’s almost as if they speak English too), but has admitted her requirements of fallen down to men who simply are breathing. “I’ll try anyone and see how it goes”, she told viewers.
Faye is looking for a partner to help explain films to her when she loses interest or drifts off. Which is where her date Australian Benny should come to the rescue. As someone who admitted to once having to sacrifice pornography for thirty days, he sounds like a man well into his movies, providing they start with a pizza person or plumber knocking on the door, and finish up with a thrilling climax.
Despite managing to drop a reference to porn into the first date and leaving Faye silenced, he was still given two further dates, and was even labelled “a gentleman”.
— Jono Read (@jonoread) August 16, 2016
The big moment of the evening however was Abbey’s return to the First Dates after Episode 1 of Series 7. After getting the cold shoulder from her last date, 24-year-old cockney boat builder Abbey was back, and she was planning to be herself after “feeling like a right knob in a sparkly dress” in the previous episode.
Wearing a flat cap and guzzling a drink from a proper beer glass, it was Eddie who was finally offering her a way out of the single life. He was a grass cutter for his local council, and seemed to have a confidence problem. He had only been on three dates with girls, and admitted even feeling uneasy when a girl made eye contact with him on public transport. His ideal girl was far from the selfie-obsessed females that had walked through the restaurant door previously.
Abbey therefore was the perfect girl. They shared a common bond in all things wood (not like that you filthy readers), a distinct lack of understanding of fancy restaurant menus, and smoking rollies outside.
So there was delight when we learned there had been further dates, and Abbey had finally upgraded her bed in her boat home to accommodate Eddie.
— Abbey (@AbbeyBoatBuilde) August 16, 2016
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