Jono Read

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Teresa James

First Dates: Series 7, Episode 9

On the latest episode of First Dates it was the return of Ruby. She wanted a nice guy last time, now she wants a fuck boy. Can she make her mind up?

Charlotte and Jamie

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Charlotte Jamie

24-year-old waitress Charlotte from Dartford was the first through tonight’s First Dates doors. She came with the added bonus of offering free carveries due to her job as a waitress, but she met very few young people in her day job, as most of the customers were elderly.

Her date tonight was junior stockbroker Jamie, 24, from Hampshire. He’s looking for someone with nice teeth and nice eyes. The two had a bumpy ride to start with – neither knew where the other was from in geographical terms, and Jamie managed to drop his first drink down him. Awkward.

Jamie doesn’t seem to have many successes with his dates, this could be put down to the cheesy chat-up lines he was attempting in the restaurant tonight, or the fact his geography seemed pretty bad.

The two bonded over dinner talking about family and children. Jamie is a god father while Charlotte has a three-year-old son. Tragically the father of her son passed away in a horrific car accident last year, something that turned her world upside down, and left her feeling a bit of a train wreck. She said he was one of the romantic people you could have met – which is why she was back in the First Dates restaurant tonight.

Undeterred by Jamie’s chat-up lines the two were soon flirting over the table, and planning a possible second date at a zoo. How could Charlotte resist such an offer? Sadly, despite agreeing to meet up again, it was decided the two lived too far apart for things to work, and Charlotte is now focusing on her little one instead. Let’s hope she gets invited to the zoo soon.

Teresa and James

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Teresa James

66-year-old Teresa was the second girl through the restaurant doors tonight. She comes complete with blue hair and a lust for life, but she hasn’t had a date in 20 years. She arrived arm in arm with her gay son, and was soon ordering her first tipple of a vodka and lemonade. How many people can say their nana drinks that?

James from Southend was her date tonight. He sounded like he had been reading the Lad Bible before he arrived – he’s a fan of banter and ‘Jay Zed’. All said rather insincerely!


These two also bonded over family – in particular kids. James spoke about his first wife, who fell for someone else. Teresa sadly found her marriage broke down during the last few years of her mother’s life, but she thinks it was doomed to fail anyway.

James was possibly struggling to keep up with Teresa’s liveliness throughout the date as she challenged him to drink more and even get up on the table and dance. This was before Teresa had even had one too many drinks. She noted James was having to drink water with his alcohol.

They clearly both had fun, but it was clear Teresa being the life and the soul of the party played on James’ mind as the night came to a close. Asked whether the two would see each other again, he managed to put his foot in it. “Oh god no” is possibly the last thing you want to hear. This didn’t stop Teresa then putting the boot in further, claiming “he wouldn’t be on the same bus as me” in terms of lifestyles. Taxi for these two!

Ruby and Adam

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Ruby Adam

Eighteen-year-old trainee beautician Ruby was back tonight. It’s taken her three hours to get ready, so let’s hope the date this time has more success. Her problem was her last date was too nice, despite her wanting to give up on the bad boys. She was emitting a very confusing message, but perhaps her auctioneer date tonight could be up her street.

21-year-old Adam from Edgeware certainly seemed to fit the bad boy bill that Ruby was after. He said he was the class clown at secondary school, and would often end up suspended.


The date was off to a good start, the two bonded over their failures in Geography at school, and whether the octopus on the *food menu* was actually an edible food. The fact it was seemed to blow her mind.

Ruby revealed more about her upbringing tonight. Despite seeming ditzy on the show, she managed to get 8 Bs and Cs at GCSEs, and grew up studying in a Catholic school. Ruby’s sisters were all named after gems – like Crystal, Diamond, and Pearl. It sounds more like her parents were Pokémon gamers than fans of the jewels.


We learned another new word in tonight’s show – “flanter” – which Ruby explained was flirty banter, apparently a word that’s been around for ages thanks to Geordie Shore and Ex On The Beach, but left me oblivious. Nonetheless, there was plenty of “flanter” going around the restaurant tonight.

Towards the end of the date Adam was starting to sound cocky, talking about lads holidays, and loving challenges which involves trying get a girl. This surely ticked the ‘fuck boy’ criteria that Ruby so desperately wants in a man? It certainly seemed to be working until he asked how many boys Ruby had slept with (aka the body count). Something Adam (rightly) instantly regretted. Still, I was a little surprised by Ruby’s anger. After wanting a fuck boy, Ruby is suddenly offended by a guy acting like one. Will this girl ever make her mind up?

Fortunately, Adam redeemed himself by paying the bill, but again friend-zoned her date by the end. It doesn’t look like there will be a third chance for Ruby. Hopefully the two experiences will give her time to work out what she’s looking for in life.

Charlie and Victoria

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Charlie Victoria

21-year-old Charlie from Glossop struck me as an unusual one from the minute he made an entrance from the toilet rather than the side door. How long had he been hiding in there? He has never had a date before, but claimed to have slept with plenty of girls. He puts this down to coming from the North of England. Charlie might not have had a date, but impressively he can rap Notorious B.I.G tracks. He claims to know every lyric from every song, who wouldn’t be impressed?

As a former private school boy Charlie has been described as a mix between Ed Sheeran and Boris Johnson. I’d thrown a chubbier Josh Widdicombe into the mix too. As a supposed farmer himself he’s looking for a girl who will dress up in tweed, and go on country pursuits with him. He is trying to prove his family wrong as they all seem to think he’s gay.

Victoria is likely to be just up his street. Aged 22 and from Holmes Chapel she was once Cheshire’s Miss Dairy Maid. With a farming background too, Victoria has already worked out a number of topics for Charlie – from the size of his farm, discussions about tractors, and of course experiences of sticking your arm up a cow’s backside.

Finding out Victoria was a farmer’s daughter seemed to lead to Charlie fessing up that he actually lives on a “pretend” farm which mostly involves a big shed and a few pets. As well as wearing tweed. Victoria didn’t seem so impressed. So those topics Victoria planned were soon out of the window.

The two seemed to be wanting to outperform each other in the poshness stakes, judging each other on the wine choices, deciding on the most expensive wine on the menu, and refusing to pay for bottled water.

As well as talking about his fake farm, Charlie talked about his fears. Revealing himself to be a self-confessed wimp, Charlie’s biggest fear is wasps. The Glossop lad couldn’t resist trying to impress Victoria with his rapping skills, and she even played the part of Estelle as he rapped the Kanye lyrics from re-enacted American Boy. Something that perhaps impressed the waiters more than his date.

Charlie didn’t sound so convincing about seeing Victoria for a second date in a romantic sense, but by the post-date interview at least seemed in agreement to meet each other again. Victoria only seemed to agree to the second date if he stopped pretending he lived on a farm. Thankfully they did meet again, but by this time she had moved to London, much further away. I’m not sure that’s a recipe for success unless they’re up for a long distance relationship.

Gary and Clare

First Dates Series 7 Episode 9 Gary Clare

Finally, sports development manager Gary, 40, from Poole was the last man through the doors tonight. Unfortunately, Gary finds himself always the bridesmaid but never the bride. All of his friends seem to be married with kids, and he wants it to be his turn. He’s even taken up night classes and courses to find new people. He’s in the First Dates restaurant tonight with 37-year-old blonde Clare from Bournemouth, who could be about to change his luck.

Clare also thinks she’s running out of time to find her dream man to settle down with. She has been single for five and a half years, after breaking up with her last partner, who didn’t want children and had different ideas for a relationship.

On tonight’s date they discussed the Park Run in Poole which they both frequent yet have never met each other. Gary opened up about his parents’ split, which he thinks affected his lifestyle choices. As well as having a tough time about this, his mum suffers from schizophrenia, and it was something which also has impacted his life and where he lives and how he spends his time.

The smallest of compliments from Gary seemed to make Clare quietly swoon. Just being told she was beautiful put a big smile on her face, and sealed the deal for a second date between the two. We later found out this involved jogging and coffee by Poole Harbour. I have my fingers crossed for a happily ever after ending.

First Dates

First Dates is back on Monday evening on Channel 4 at 10pm. Get more reaction on my Twitter moment here.

Watch more First Dates on catch-up on All4, and read more reviews of this series of First Dates on my blog.

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